A Walk Down Memory Lane
It’s a foggy, cloudy morning as I took a stroll down memory lane with Teddy, our giant malamute. The thought of you always on my mind. The way you smiled brightened even the darkest day. You were the sunshine that no cloud could erase. I remember when we first met. I didn’t even know I liked girls, but I knew as soon as I saw you, I liked you. You had that kind of face that made everything seem alright.
We were in college at the time when we first met and I was lucky enough to have you as my lab partner. I didn’t know then that being your partner would change my life so drastically. God, I still remember how you made me laugh with your cheesy jokes. It was hard not to smile when you were around. You made every bad feeling leave my thoughts. I felt elated when I was around you. The way you talked brought wonder into my life. I hung onto every word. Even just the sound of your voice was a melody so sweet, it made songbirds sing.
We quickly became friends. Our friendship was the kind that stories were made of. We shared secrets about each other that no one else knew. We told each other our life stories. The good, the bad, and the parts we even hid from ourselves.
The more time I spent with you, the more I fell in love with you. I didn’t even realize what that word meant before I met you. Then you told me how you felt about me. You admitted to me that you were gay. I was at first afraid even though I knew deep down I felt the same way. I hate to admit it, but I felt ashamed. I knew I had these feelings for you. I knew it to be true, but my parents would never approve.
The way they preached their beliefs, they’d never accept me for who I am and I tried hard to shun my feelings. I tried to deny them, but in the end, I only ended up hurting you which was by far the worst thing I could’ve ever done. I felt so hopeless, so depressed and so miserable after I tried to push you out of my life. My days grew dark and my heartfelt pain. My heart darkened at the thought of a life without you.
I tried to move on. I tried to become the girl my parents wanted, but it only made my life worse. I felt I was living a lie. I couldn’t deny who I am and who I love. I rushed back to you and you accepted me without hesitation. I felt so warm being held in your arms. When we kissed for the first time, I knew then and there what love truly felt like.
We spent many nights in college, held in each other’s arms. I would give anything to have one more night with your head in my lap and my hands in that silky black hair of yours. What I would give to feel your lips on mine one more time.
You always made me feel special. Even with all my insecurities, you had a way of making them fade away. I thought my hair was too curly, but you loved the way it’d curl around your finger. I didn’t like the freckles I had, but you said they were like looking into the night sky. You made me love myself.
I remember our first date together. It was a disaster, but it made for one of the sweetest memories that we laughed about ever since. We went to a busy restaurant and waited for over an hour for a table. But what an hour it was. You made me laugh with your interpretation of the conversations people were having. I’ll never forget your impression of that man in the suit with the toupee. You thought he was discussing how toupees were made. No matter what situation, you always seemed to find the humor in it.
I can’t forget the walk we took afterward and how we got caught in the rain. We had to run for the park shelters to escape the rain and we got soaked. Even so, you laughed as both of our makeup ran down our faces. The kiss we shared made that entire date worth it.
I remember the first time we had sex after our 3rd date. Wow was it awkward. I had no idea what I was doing. We ended up smacking heads as we tried to be sexy, but even so, I had never felt pleasure like that in all my life up until that moment, but even that didn’t compare to the way we held each other afterward. We spent the entire night kissing. I’ll never forget how loved I felt.
Of course, not all the moments were good. After you finally convinced me to come out to my parents, I was devastated to see them so disappointed. So disapproving. They tried everything to break us apart. My mother had a way of making me feel so guilty and so ashamed about myself. I felt unworthy of being loved. That’s when my mother and I stopped talking. I felt so terrible. If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve remained in that dark place. You lifted me up with your support. You stuck by my side through the worst of it.
It was only a few months after when you proposed. I felt like I was on cloud 9, floating above it all. I’ve never been so happy in my life. Your parents welcomed me with open arms. They were so kind and supportive. We spent a lot of time planning our wedding. There were some moments when I thought it’d all come crashing down. I thought for sure we’d pull our hair out with the food mixup. And then there was the dress snafu, but when the moment finally arrived, I was beyond happy. You were so beautiful in the matching white dresses we picked out. It was like we became one that day.
Even my parents showed up. They seemed to finally accept us. Our first dance together was so magical. I can still hear our song playing, From This Moment, as we swayed to the lyrics that touched both of our hearts. I lost count of how many times we heard the ting of silverware against glass, but I enjoyed every kiss from your lips. And that night was beyond special. Unlike our first time together, it was smoothed and hot. Full of passion and so much love.
Our honeymoon was unforgettable. You always wanted to see Paris. Especially since you were such an amazing artist. I still can’t believe I let you paint me in the nude. I still have the painting even though I will never let it see the light of day. But that day we spent browsing museums and ended up at the Eiffel Tower. That kiss we shared made everything seem so perfect. I didn’t know a word of French, but I sure learned a bit of it when our lips touched. God, what I’d do to have that moment back.
When we moved into our first apartment together outside of college, you got the job at the gallery and I got a job as an editor for a publishing company. We worked like crazy to pay for everything. Bills piled up and we practically drowned in them, but we still made it work. Of course, we argued. Those arguments seem so petty now. We both said some hurtful things. How I wish I could take back every mean thing I said to you. I’m sure you felt the same way.
I almost thought I lost you when you went to stay with your parents after our worst fight. I don’t even remember why we argued. I just regret the words I hurt you with. I never felt more lonely that night when I slept in bed without you. I cried until dawn came. And yet, the fights we had seemed to fade away compared to all the happy moments. And when you came back to me, I was on my knees apologizing. You only smiled and pulled me into your arms. We got much better at communicating our frustrations after that.
Somehow, we made it through those rough days. Through hard work, we both earned pay raises and promotions. I was never more proud of you when you got your work entered in the gallery. I still visit the gallery to look upon your art. It fills me with so many mixed emotions. I fall apart every time.
When your parents passed away, I thought I’d never see a smile on your face. You were so sad. So devastated. I stayed by your side even when all seemed hopeless. You spent many days in bed. I just wanted to see you happy. I worried sick about you. It seemed like you lost the will to fight, but I never stopped believing in you. I never stopped believing in us.
And when I came home with that puppy, it seemed like the joy returned to your face. You took care of him with all your heart and my own heart filled back up with love. You spent so much time training him and teaching him tricks. You called him Teddy because he was just a giant furball. We watched that little malamute become a giant bear.
After so many years, we still had so much love for each other. I can’t forget that vacation we went on. We spent a full week down in Cancun. It had been so long since we had such fun. I remember when we had those shots they lit on fire. You knocked it over and set the entire bartop on fire. And then of course there was the night we danced until dawn. We slept all morning, but it was so much fun. We both tried that chili tequila. Never again. I thought my mouth was on fire. Thank god for those limes.
Of course, I can’t forget about the high school reunions. We went to mine that weekend during the summer. I was so nervous about running into Becky, the girl that bullied me throughout high school. But with you by my side, I felt like I could take on the world. The irony was that she never even showed up. Turns out her life wasn’t so great.
Then there was that time we had our college homecoming. It felt so good to be back where it all started. We were both decked out in our school colors. You looked so cute with the school abbreviations painted on your cheeks. We had so much fun catching up with all of our old friends and cheering on the football team. Of course, we got a little too drunk that weekend. I had to hold your hair while you threw up all night long. You swore you’d never drink again.
But, when your high school reunion came, you couldn’t go without a drink. You were so nervous and yet I thought you were so adorable. So worried about what they’d think of you, but no one batted an eye when we walked in hand in hand. I had so much fun discovering who you were in high school. Such a loveable geek with braces. You were so embarrassed when I went through all those photos, but it only made me love you even more. You were so relieved when it was all over.
Then you fainted when we were out on a stroll with Teddy. I knew something was wrong right away. I paced in the waiting room while you went through all those tests. I held your hand as the doctor gave us the horrible news. Lung cancer. It seemed like the world had come crashing down.
I tried so hard to stay strong for you. There was no way I was ever gonna let you go through this alone. We were going to beat this. That’s what I said to you every time I held you through all the tears. There was no way I was ever going to leave your side. We would get through this together.
I watched helplessly as you went through chemo treatments. I saw your body whither into a shell of your former self, but I knew how strong you were. You were so brave. You never complained. You never wavered. Even through all the pain and suffering, you still had that beautiful smile. Even when I did all the crying, you remained so uplifting and bright. You inspired me to be better. But things only got worse.
When you were hospitalized, I never left your side. I held your hand when you struggled to breathe. I wished I could give you my own lungs. I desperately wanted to do the breathing for you. God only knows you gave me a heart when I needed to be loved. Now you were the one who needed to breathe and there was nothing I could do to help you.
When you finally took your last breath, I thought I was the one that died. I was lost for words. The light had been snuffed out of my life and now I was left alone in a world so dark. I thought I’d never love again. I cried and cried. The tears seemed endless. The pain was too deep. How could I live in a world without you?
I was consumed by grief. I stayed in bed but I couldn’t sleep. Memories of you were all I thought of and none of them could bring you back to me. When we finally had your funeral it rained. Even the world cried at the loss of you. It knew it’d never be able to shine as bright without you in it. I cried through it all. I never felt so much pain.
The days grew dark and my life became dull. The pain remained and yet I felt numb without you. My joy turned into despair, but my love for you never wilted away. I looked through all of our photos. I tried to keep every memory of you alive, but it was so painful to think about you because I knew I could never hold you again. I would never feel your lips upon mine or see my hair curled up around your finger. All I wanted was one more day with you. I wanted to feel your head in my lap. To run my hand through that black silky hair. My hand felt so empty with yours in it. Even Teddy seemed to mourn without you here. If it weren’t for him, I would’ve drowned in my tears.
And now here we are, taking the same walk to where you lie. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of you. You made me promise I’d move on and live a happy life, but I refused to believe you could ever leave this world. If only we could have one more day. If only we could have one more kiss.
I love you so much and I always will. Goodbye, Amelia. Until we meet again.
Did you enjoy the story? Check out my debut novel
Love on the Basketball Court Book 1: Rivals.
Below is the synopsis.
A hot sizzling lesbian romance that deals with the issues most girls face during college.
Marcela Elvira and Sara Wood come from rival high schools but share the same goal, to join their favorite college basketball team. Unfortunately, someone’s getting cut from the team once their preseason comes to an end.
Marcela has dreamed of playing college ball ever since she could hold a basketball. She practiced day and night to get a sports scholarship to her favorite school to play on their basketball team. Unfortunately, her team got knocked out in the playoffs by none other than Sarah Wood’s team and she’s held a grudge against Sarah ever since. Sarah’s everything she isn’t. She comes from a private prep school with perfect blonde hair and crystal blue eyes to match and Marcela can’t stand her. Their rivalry runs deep. Ever since they first played each other in middle school travel teams, they were destined to collide.
Sarah on the other hand has had a crush on Marcela since the first time she laid eyes on her. Now they’re to compete against each other for a spot on the college team.
Who will get cut? Will Sarah confess her feelings for Marcela? Will Marcela overcome her grudge against Sarah? You’ll have to read to find out the answers.
(Trigger Warning, this book deals with some serious issues that may be hard for many people to read about. All of these issues are serious and are presented in a manner that is respectful)